Navigating Pregnancy Loss, Infertility & Grief
By Sara Camilleri LMSW
Initial Publication Date: March 7, 2025
In our society we have a number of topics that we are told we shouldn’t or can’t talk about. Earlier in my career, when I would work with clinicians in training or interns, I would frequently explain to them that a large part of being a Social Worker is giving space to talking about all the things that society has taught us to be “taboo.” Unfortunately, the list of “taboo topics” runs long and can result in difficulties in finding safe spaces to talk about such parts of the human experience. In my work as a Therapist who specializes in postpartum mental health, infertility stress and pregnancy loss, I frequently hear from folks about feeling isolated in these experiences. We’ve been taught not to talk about them but in reality finding connection with others around these painful experiences is what paves a way forward for many. Infertility and Pregnancy Loss can both come with big feelings or emotional responses of grief and powerlessness. Hopefully this article can offer some quick tips for navigating these spaces as an individual or as a support to someone else.
Coping on your own:
There is no right or wrong way to grieve. If you are struggling to find ways to deal or cope with your grief related to infertility or pregnancy loss, consider these tips:
Self-Compassion, Validation & Acknowledgement:
Navigating grief related to infertility or pregnancy loss comes with extra complexities. Common complications can be finding safe spaces to acknowledge what happened, feelings of betrayal by the body or even impacts to one’s sense of identity. It’s important to offer yourself compassion and acknowledge your emotions. Validating that you are entitled to feel your feelings and offering yourself the space to work through them creates space for coping. Furthermore, many people find it helpful to find safe spaces with others who have also experienced similar life events to promote community based validation and acknowledgement of this unique pain.
Observance and Mementos:
Many people find comfort in setting aside time to observe and mourn a pregnancy loss as a way to acknowledge the pain and suffering that may have occurred. Historically, society has told us not to talk about this type of loss, but by simply observing what happened to us, we can lessen the emotional pain and move away from suffering. There is no right way to do this as grieving and mourning are personal journeys. Common examples can vary widely from a memory box to a formal ceremony honoring the loss.
Rituals and Traditions:
Similarly to observance, ritual and tradition can offer some tranquility and peace when coping with the grief of pregnancy loss or the loss of opportunity that occurs often with infertility. Special or important dates such as due dates, holidays or anniversary dates of the loss can be particularly triggering for many. However, some find comfort in acknowledging birthdays or integrating remembrance into holiday festivities as a way to acknowledge their pain and their experience. Traditions such as annual campaigns and advocacy efforts can also overlap into meaning and purpose, which we’ll talk about next.
Finding Meaning and Growth:
The unfortunate thing about pain and suffering in life is that it exists and we cannot change that it happened. This can leave many with feelings of confusion about what to do with these intense emotions. For some, working toward meaning and growth can change their relationship with this experience from painful to purposeful. Contemplating questions such as “what did I learn about myself during this difficult time?” or “how can my experience help others?” can transform internal processing away from focusing on the pain toward growth and repurpose and give many something to “do” with these intense emotions. It can also help us connect with others in ways that honors our shared experiences and reduces the feelings of isolation related to the unique grief of infertility and pregnancy loss.
Supporting a friend or loved one:
There are no words that can take away the pain of grief, especially in spaces related to pregnancy loss or infertility. There are many words or comments, however, that can perpetuate feelings of isolation in these experiences. If you are struggling with how to help someone in your life, consider these tips:
Compassion, Acknowledgement & Validation of Pain:
So often in our attempt to make people feel better, we try to name positive things. However this can appear as minimizing another person’s pain or experience. Finding ways to express empathy or compassion instead of trying to fix it is important.
Tangible Support:
Grief can be emotionally and physically exhausting which can make doing daily tasks like cooking, cleaning or going to work much more difficult. If the grieving person will allow it, it may be helpful to offer help with things such as babysitting, making a meal or other actionable tasks. The appropriateness of this may also depend on the nature of your relationship with them.
Non-judgemental Listening & Safe Space:
Somewhere along the line, as a society, we developed an expectation of how long one’s grief should last. The reality is that grief is not linear nor does it function on a timeline. With grief or emotional pain can come an array of emotions that are not always logical. When we offer our loved ones or friends non-judgemental listening to be vulnerable and authentic, we offer a safe space.
Encouraging Mental Health Support:
Therapy can be helpful for those who are struggling with the pain, loss, grief or uncertainty of pregnancy loss or infertility. Many people choose individual or group therapy to help them with their coping. We can encourage our loved ones or friends to seek out professional support as needed.
Resources for Pregnancy Loss & Infertility:
Here are some common resources for your consideration:
Postpartum Support International offers support in English and Spanish for mental health concerns related to pregnancy, loss, infertility and a wide variety of other related areas. They have a support warmline that is not open 24/7 but can be incredibly helpful. Additionally, they offer several FREE groups which promote community connection.
Star Legacy Foundation specializes in pregnancy loss and supporting families that have experienced this. They also have a support warmline that can be very helpful and they support many areas of research for preventing infant and neonatal death.
Resolve (The National Infertility Association) specializes in support and advocacy related to infertility and fertility issues for all. They offer support groups, advocacy at legislative levels and education about topics related to infertility.
Conclusion:
Navigating grief can be difficult already when unique factors are not present. Finding a safe space of support for the grief that can occur with pregnancy loss or infertility can be hard as these topics are often considered “taboo.” Many people who are directly dealing with or have a loved one who is dealing with pregnancy loss or infertility find that individual therapy can offer helpful support. Finding a therapist that is trained and understands these issues can be tricky. Sand River Therapy specializes in supporting individuals living in Michigan with the emotional and mental health impacts of experiencing infertility or pregnancy loss. If you or someone you know might benefit from this, please feel free to share this information, learn more about therapy services at Sand River Therapy or request a FREE 15 minute consultation for therapy services today! You don’t have to do this alone.